A Passing

Tonight was a celebration of women-hood for me and 12 other women when we went to see Sex and the City 2. I totally enjoyed the movie, clapped and laughed out loud in the appropriate parts.

I walked out of the theater and checked my phone, as I always do when my daughter is away from me.

My iPhone proclaimed that I had one missed call and a voice mail from Amy. Amy is my daughter’s step-mother…and as much as I had always hoped for a close relationship with her, it has never been so. So, upon seeing her number on my phone, I had a chill of advance warning. As I rode the escalator down from the theater, I listened to the very unexpected message she had left, and I heard the dreaded news. Taylor’s Grandfather, who had been battling cancer and then pneumonia, had passed late the previous evening. Amy had the forethought to call me and let me know in advance of her and her husband breaking the news to Taylor. My heart broke.

I struggled to keep my emotions in check, and from the tears rolling down my cheeks. I got into my friend Deb’s car to go back to my house for an “after party.”

I called Amy on the way back to my home. I am very grateful that as challenging as it must have been for her, Amy handed the phone over to her husband…my ex…I was not able to control my emotions by this point and just said, “I am so sorry…let me know if there is anything I can do.” He just said, “It’s really sad.”

I spoke to Taylor later this evening. She kept saying, “I’m FINE Mom.”

But she was choking on the words.

I wish that I could be there for her – to hold and reassure her. But right now, given that she is with her Dad and his family, all I can do is pray.

When I found out that I was pregnant with Tay, her Father and I chose to share the news with our parents in a very individual and special way.

We gave each of them hand written notes, sharing with them which of the traits that they had that we hoped that our daughter would inherit. To Richard we wrote that we hoped our unborn daughter would get his artistic skills and dry humor.

Tay has both of those traits – in spades.

Richard Oakley, thank you for making hand-made birthday cards for your grand-daughter, thank you for picking her up from school when I couldn’t, thank you for teaching her to fish….thank you for providing a wonderful example of how to love.

Thank you for being such a wonderful Grandfather. You are already missed so very, very much.