Laughter and Embarrassing Moments

As a balance to previous posts about my angst, I wanted to post about laughing.

I love laughing. I love when something tickles me so much that I can’t help but double over, tears streaming from my eyes and my breath coming in ragged snorts through my nose.

I recently picked up one of Taylor’s Teen Mags which regularly have a “most embarrassing moment” section. In these Teen Magazines, the embarrassing moment is usually about an audible fart or (oh the horror) leaking menstrual blood at an inopportune time.

As sophomoric as the reading material was, it made me think about my most embarrassing moment...which many of you have heard, but it is good enough to bear repeating.

Plus, I enjoy making others laugh, probably more than I like laughing myself.

Many years ago, I worked for a well-known adoption attorney. As you might imagine, our office was pretty serious, what with the business at hand. And it was made up almost exclusively of women.

I was newly divorced at the time, and to say that I was ready to dip my toe into the dating pool would be an understatement - I was ready to swan dive into the deep end.

I had gotten married and had my daughter relatively young and thusly had missed the dating craziness that many women experience in their early twenties. So I was ready to if not sow, but at least prune, my wild oats.

It was my job to sit at the front desk at the office. I welcomed clients, answered the phones and managed files on the computer and in the drawers.

One day, a group of electricians came through the office, to check on and replace lighting fixtures throughout it. Which is how a deliciously handsome, slightly scruffy, jeans-hang-in-just-the-right-way man was climbing a ladder right in front of me, in the waiting room, just outside of my welcome window, and just outside my grasp.

I craned my neck through the window and peered (towards heaven) upwards and asked “Would you like some coffee?” I batted my eyelashes shamelessly. He replied, “No thanks, Ma’am.” Non-plussed by this initial brush-off by my man candy, I continued to batter him with offers of coffee or (me) water. All of my offerings were declined and the young man seemed in a hurry to rush off, ladder tucked under his arm.

Through one of the office windows, I noticed the electrician’s van outside and its panels that were marked with the name of the company, and noted that they also offered air conditioning services.

During my lunch hour, I found myself riding in the elevator down to the ground floor with an older gentleman, who’s shirt bore the same company name as (the shirt on my heart’s desire) the van parked outside. During the elevator ride, I talked him up, asking about the young man with the (cute ass) brown hair and blue eyes. The older man sized me up and let me know that the (cute-ass guy) young man I was inquiring about , was 18 (EIGHTEEN) and was engaged to be married to the owner of the business’s daughter.

I coughed and stuttered and probably muttered, “Oh, that’s nice.”

Then I tried to really save myself.

Remembering the van outside, I thought I would tell him that I might need air conditioning work sometime (never) in the near future.

I opened my mouth. What I meant to say was, “When my Air Conditioner blows, I know who to call.”

What came OUT OF MY MOUTH was, “When my Air Conditioner goes, I know who to blow.”

The last four syllables of the terribly misplaced sentence were still being said, out loud like a cartoon character with the words hanging over her head...when the elevator doors opened - and the shocked, concerned (and frightened) face of my 18 year old man- candy was staring right back at me.

Man-Candy literally turned on his heel, and sprinted away. The older gentleman, sensing my need to be alone with my utter shame, quietly stepped past me.

I never saw either of them again.

So please, share your stories of complete embarrassment...let me know that I am not alone with my size 9 mouth.