Memories, misty water-color or cold hard digital

As I mentioned in a previous post, there are several other blogs that I read. One of them, jennster wrote a very evocative post about the mementos that she saves. Letters, journals, photo albums and yearbooks.

It got me to thinking as I share the same tendency.

To wit: I committed one large cardboard box to all of the written memories of my younger years. It contains the clandestine notes that I saved (from various teacher’s grips) from Middle and High School; the love notes scribbled on scrap paper; and the lengthier letters, still stuffed in their original envelopes from friends or paramours who were not close by. There are also the poems that I wrote, when I envisioned myself as a tragic teen poet while listening to (and heavily borrowing from) Air Supply, Journey, and REO Speedwagon.

Additionally, I have carefully kept all of my Yearbooks. I have tucked newspaper articles into the pages that tell of the triumphs of my former classmates as well as those that contain the obituaries of those who have passed.

And my photos…I would be bereft without them. My childhood and teen years are painstakingly logged by my long-ago-sophomoric hands in now water damaged and smudged photo albums. There are a couple of photo books that contain pictures from my early twenties…and then of course there are the albums from Taylor’s babyhood. Those pictures of her first smile, first movement, first solid food, first (insert milestone here) experience and in various poses with her adoring family are lovingly catalogued.

Once she hit 5, and I 30, the photos remained in their developer’s envelopes. I rely on my handwritten dates of when they were developed to pile them in a haphazard way into several large boxes.

Now, a decade later, many of my memories and photos are in a different place. One that gives me unease. For the last 12 or so years, in this age of technology, most of my correspondence with old and current friends takes place via e-mail or more recently on Facebook. I already have one whole HUGE, ancient old desktop computer I cannot bear to part with because I know it contains the equivalent of a cardboard box full of e-mails from my late 20’s and early 30’s. Also, too much of my daughter’s youth has been captured via a digital camera.

An entire generation has their memories on soft copy. As convenient as it is…it is too easily erased.

When I travel to NYC the second week of July, I have strong desire to bring my trusty 35 mm Canon A1 and a notebook. Otherwise, many years from now when I am gone…there may not be a record of when I see my daughter for the first time in 30 days…for all posterity.

To underscore my thoughts on real versus digital images, Edith Shain died today. She was the young nurse grabbed for a dip and kiss which was captured in the iconic photo (and the one at the beginning of this post) that embodied the end of WWII. I can’t help but wonder if that fleeting, yet triumphant moment might have been overlooked if Alfred Eisenstaedt had a digital camera.

So to all the horders and holders, how do you feel about trusting your memories to the digital age? How to you hold onto your precious hard and e-copies of your memories?

A Prelude to Goodbye

I never imagined it would be this hard.

I put my 14 year old daughter, Taylor on a flight to go to sleep-away camp for two weeks last Sunday.

When she finishes her 2 week camp, she is not immediately coming home but will continue her summer adventure. Traveling from a remote lakeside in Maine, she will then stay with my sister-in-law Dina in Portland, ME.

Dina is a single gal in the city and is hands down the “cool” Auntie. She will treat Taylor to a least a day or two in the relatively metropolitan city of Portland. Taylor and Dina have a special bond…which includes the Twilight series of movies. Conveniently (and serendipitously) the movie ‘Eclipse’ releases during the time Taylor is with Dina, so they will get to see the third movie of the series together, just as they have the first two.

Then, Dina will drive Taylor to the middle of the state of Maine, to stay with my wonderful In-Laws and friends of ours.

My Mother-In-Law and Father-In-Law live on a farm, in a house that is more than 100 years old, in Milo, ME. A real honest-to-god farm. Don and Deanne are the most wonderful people. Big Don is the salt and sage of their little town and Deanne is its heartbeat. They are looking forward to hosting my daughter and spoiling her in the way that only Grandparents can do.

My other sister-in-law, Darcy lives in the area with her two beautiful children, Jake (12) and Hillary (8). They all also have said how excited they are to see Taylor and spend time with her. I have a feeling that Hillary will be glued to Taylor’s side every chance that she gets.

Then Taylor will also visit our friends, Ronnie and Lori Towne and their daughter, Allie. Ronnie and Donnie (insert laugh here) have been best friends since grade school…Lori was my Matron of Honor for my wedding to Donnie…Taylor and Allie have been best buddies for all the years that their parents have been friends and traveled together.

Then my travel-happy kid will get on a flight from Portland, ME to NYC. She will be picked up by another good friend, Courtney, who currently lives in on the Upper East Side of Manhattan.

Courtney (another “cool” Auntie) also has plans to spoil Tay and take her for a pedicure in the big city.

After Taylor spends a couple of days with Courtney in NYC (which she is supposed to be babysitting, as a “Mommy’s Helper”), Donnie and I are flying up to NYC to meet her.

Our family will then spend several days soaking up NYC…staying with the Groomes, and taking in a Broadway Show.

I have spent countless hours ensuring a memorable trip / vacation for Taylor.

The day previous to Taylor’s departure last Saturday, I drove myself (and her) crazy with my ever increasing and shrill inquiries…”DID YOU REMEMBER TO PACK…(insert necessary item here)”

I pride myself on being level headed, results oriented and a general cool customer all the way around. But when faced with saying goodbye to my darling daughter, who had been the focus of my life for almost the last 15 years, I kind of fell apart.

Knowing that this was the dress rehearsal for her inevitable final leap from the nest, I was teary…no, I was soggy from the tears.

I keenly miss her right now, even though I know she is enjoying the experience of a lifetime.

I just didn’t expect to miss her this much. As she has been the focus of my life…it is definitely difficult to refocus on anything else.

I hope the next four years pass VERY slowly.

I would love to hear how anyone else (mothers / parents) survived sleep-away Camp, High School, College…without their heart breaking…

Cruising

As I mentioned previously, I just returned from my first cruise on Friday. Well, it was my first cruise that lasted longer than a few hours. As a product of South Florida, I have been on several day, dinner and evening (read gambling) cruises.

This was the first time that I carried luggage aboard and had to surrender myself to the whims of an unknown captain, his boat and its hyperactive schedule. In tow were my husband (who had already been on a cruise) and my 14 year old daughter (who never had been – but was salivating at the prospect of freedom at the ‘teen club’ and late curfews that I had promised her.)

I felt agoraphobic and like I had a touch of vertigo the first evening. There were just SO many people, and the tour to the upper deck to the water slides made me dizzy.

The next day, we landed in our first of two destinations, Key West. Now, I absolutely love Key West. I have visited so many times, and I probably bore people with my endless verbal facts about its history.

However, we were there to witness the marriage of my friend Deborah and her new husband Peter. Thus, we were there only a brief time. Back onboard, Deborah and Peter had a lovely reception, which ended a couple of hours prior to sunset.

I went up to the Lido Deck, which housed most of the dining and also the pool. It was here that I could have the best view of the ocean that was sponsoring our trip across its surface. The Lido deck was also the best spot for people-watching. As I sat and thought about my own aversion to cruising, I was also afforded a front row seat to those who embrace this type of travel.

After a couple of days, I started to categorize them…and put them in my own buckets of people “who like to cruise.”

There were some larger groups, not just in numbers, but also in girth. They were seated at tables, just like myself, but they usually had mounds of food in front of them. I termed them as the “Foodies.” All of the meals, snacks and formal several course dinners onboard are included in the price you pay before you sail.

Food is one of the starring attractions for these cruisers. Food is available, however you want it and wherever you want it (including room service to your cabin). It is easy to get caught up in the feeding frenzy.

I am normally not an early eater. A cup of coffee and some fruit is typically my fare prior to noon. But on a cruise? Which verboten starch would I prefer? English Muffin? Or perhaps a flaky croissant? Fuck the fruit, as there was also REAL (not turkey) bacon being loaded onto my plate.

The more formal evening dinners had three courses with multiple choices: appetizer, main course and dessert. We sampled everything. Until, with my gut heavy and my bowels unregulated I put a stop to the gluttony by the second day. Just because the food is there, doesn’t mean I must eat it. But, the “Foodies” definitely have their place at the table. (A little pun intended.)

There are the "parents." The ones that were trying unsuccessfully to herd their children in one direction. I witnessed younger parents trying to corral their children while they, the parents, were having beers at the pool. They were continually negotiating with each other as to who would get next “watch” over the little screaming, shouting, slippery-wet ankle biters that were their progeny.

I also watched a single Mom with her little girl navigate the deck and pool area. Her entire trip consisted of watching her 5 year old girl leap in and out of the pool. My heart leapt out every time I watched her watch her daughter. Her gaze was not annoyed…but gently joyous as she watched her daughter frolic. I was reminded keenly of when I was a single Mom.

Then there are the "Cruisers." Usually middle aged, they want to cruise…just for the sake of it. The ports of call are just bonuses. I happened upon a couple of them on my first night…and was heartened by their joie de vivre. They tended to sit quietly on an upper deck in the evenings to watch the sun set.

Then there is us. A quiet family. Willing and grateful Cruisers by accident.

On the third day, we took in the hot sidewalks and shopping of downtown Cozumel. Jeez, those shop owners were as relentless as the sun that beat down on us. Though we were in port until 10 PM, our tired little family of three dragged ourselves back onto the Ship at 5:15. And then we all took loooong naps.

The last night, I went up to the Lido deck once again. We were cruising back from Mexico to South Florida. Our location was right in between the Dry Tortugas and the North Western tip of Cuba. I was enjoying being in the moment, sailing across the sea, my loved ones close by.

Suddenly, I noticed two pelicans, flying alongside the boat…almost at eye level. I marveled at them. How far had they come? Had they seen the oil in the water and come out this far to get nourishment?

Then the pelicans dove down into the water in tandem, both of them catching fish…and stayed at the surface gulping their booty and bobbing in the waves as the Cruise Ship left them behind. As they disappeared from view, I said a little prayer for them and wished them health. Despite the icky, awful mess we have left for them in the Gulf.

Initially, my darling daughter had proclaimed the entire cruise affair as boring. She had met just a handful of contemporaries in the “teen club” she had so yearned to be a part of. (She is 14 and a half – I had convinced the director that she could be placed in the 15 to 17 group rather than the less desirable 12 to 14 group.)

However, on our last evening on the ship, Tay met a young man. One so polite that he insisted on walking her to her room.

All of a sudden, my daughter was feeling the heartbeat that all of us have felt as teenagers. She was at turns dreamy and then moody.

Her heart’s awaking is the biggest stop on for her this tour… and I thank God that I get to be a part of it. She was so eager to tell me what happened He was kind, he wanted to meet her Mom, he plays video games. He is taller than her. She sucked in her breath when he played with her hair. They kissed.

I am grateful that my daughter had this experience and that she shared it with me. I am even more grateful that the young lad lives in Texas. (ha, ha)

I also read a fantastic book whilst onboard. “This Is Not The Story You Think It Is: A Season of Unlikely Happiness.” It is a phenomenal tale of positive thinking and finding peace within yourself. It was the perfect book to read on this trip and at this juncture in my life.

Cruising was a very new experience for me…and one I am thankful for. I return to the office that I love (and that pays my bills) tomorrow. I would love to hear any insights from those who love to go on cruises…did I miss something? Should I plan another?

Bon Voyage

Not that I am a prolific blogger, but I will not be blogging for a good 6 days at least. Tomorrow morning, my husband, my daughter and I leave for a cruise. The stops are Key West and Cozumel.

It is also the destination wedding of my good friend, Deborah. While “cruising” has never been my thing, I am excited to be a part of her wedding as the Matron of Honor.

Actually, going on a cruise is just a tad terrifying to me. Images of Titanic dance through my head. And though class traveling rules no longer apply, I made sure that our family’s room was above sea level and not below decks in “steerage.”

I highly doubt that there will be any icebergs between Miami and Cozumel, but I just feel more comfortable with a window (well, porthole) above sea level.

However, on our journey from Key West to Cozumel, we may encounter the oil slick. Which sickens me…every time I read about it or now see the ever increasing photos of wildlife coated in it and dying from it.

I remember as a South Florida child of the 70’s, every time I went to the beach I could expect to have tar on my feet and legs. Indeed, alongside of the outdoor showers at the top of the beach there was always a turpentine station back then. It was just expected that beach goers would have tar (oil) on their bodies.

I just realized in light of this recent catastrophic event that the turpentine stations of my childhood had been long gone. My daughter has gone to a local camp every summer and has never experienced tar in her hair or on her legs. Another case of not realizing what you have until it’s gone – a clean and safe ocean.

Now I worry about the next generation. The formerly pristine and beautiful Gulf of Mexico may well be a hot mess of decay.

I just hope that BP follows through and cleans up as much of the mess as possible.

I return from our cruise on Friday morning. I will be documenting the entire time, via the netbook my husband thoughtfully gave to me. And, I will post my experiences upon my return. (Not willing to pay the price for international internet service)

My best wishes to Deborah and Peter, the Bride and Groome we are honoring and traveling with. (Just finished coaching my Husband through the final draft of his best man speech!)

Bon Voyage!